I was fortunate enough to chat with the award-winning journalist Natasha S. Alford about growing up in Syracuse, New York, as a child of Puerto Rican and Black heritage. Throughout her life, Alford has navigated biculturally, understanding how her background and skin tone were perceived in her upstate New York hometown in Puerto Rico, while at college at Harvard, and time spent in the Dominican Republic.
But her perspective informed her story and made her an accomplished storyteller today. Having been diagnosed with lupus at 30, Alford has made adjustments, like learning to say no, but she can still define success on her terms.
Click to listen to our chat or read the transcript of our chat below:
00:00
Hi, everybody. I’m Corynne Corbett, editorial director of Black Health Matter, and I have the pleasure of chatting with an award-winning journalist, Natasha S. Alford, about her memoir, American Negra. Today, I want to focus on cultural issues, identity, hair, and health issues.
What were your challenges with cultural identity and growing up as a Puerto Rican/Black girl in Syracuse, New York.?
00:39
First, Corynne, thank you for having me on; I’m so honored to join you all. And you know, health is a part of this story, both from a cultural and identity perspective and just literally talking about physical health.
This story really highlights what it is like to grow up between two cultures. Growing up in a multicultural family, you’re often told you are both. In my case, I had very supportive parents. They’re like, you know, you are an African American Girl, you’re a Puerto Rican girl, nobody can take that away from you.
But I found that our society was not always accepting of the diversity within those cultures. And so there were a lot of people who sometimes questioned how I could be Latina. Some people asked me to sort of perform my identity; they wanted to know if I could speak Spanish or if I could cook certain foods.
And in all the African American side, although I was generally welcomed, right, most people saw me as a black girl, there were still questions about, you know, just what was my ethnic makeup? So I got a lot of questions of, you know, what are you, and people will look at my hair and be like, are you mixed? Are you something else?
So when you grow up with those questions constantly being thrown at you so early in life, you start to ask the question of yourself, what am I can I truly be 100% of both of these cultures. And so American Negra is the story of finding myself and my voice, but also finding my way as a young person, particularly regarding health and accepting what it means to live a healthy life.
2:19
Yeah, and that’s so important just finding yourself and I think everyone is finding yourself but when you also layer in health, culture and identity, that you know that’s a lot of things that add on to finding yourself right. So tell us how that played out in your hair story and how others saw you both in a Latina in the back cultures and how you saw yourself?
3:18
Hair is such a complex issue. It is an issue that can sometimes spark confidence, if you love the way you look you sort of move through the world in a different way. But if you lack confidence, that can also show up, you or question yourself, that can also show up when it comes to hair. Growing up as an African American and a Latina girl, what I found is that in one culture that my hair texture was celebrated. It was seen as exotic it was seen and long, curly, black hair, but when I was on the other side and looking at Spanish language media, I always saw straight hair. I always hair that was very, very long and Eurocentric, that was the standard of beauty. So in that culture, the texture of my hair, the African influence, the descendency, it would be more likely that me perming my hair would make me fit in.
4:33
So, looking back, what do you wish you could have told your younger self?
5:00
I see that I actually am most beautiful when I’m just myself. You know, I’m most comfortable, I’m able to move through the world with a freedom that I didn’t have before when I was trying to conform, whether it be with hair, or and just sort of presenting myself a certain way culturally.
And so yeah, I think it would be not to waste an ounce of time and that you know, there’s so many aspects of our society that want us to feel shame about our bodies about the way that we look. So we will spend money so we will we will change and there’s such power and taking back that narrative and saying I love myself the way I am.
5:41
So, I’ve got to tell you I was recently just last weekend at the National Black Writers Convention, no, National Black Writers Conference, and a woman, that was a vendor there, said, I want to give you a book recommendation American Negra, and she said, she loved it because she’s a Black woman married to a Panamanian man. And she has daughters. She said that she felt like this was something that she could see. She could give it to her daughters. As an example of, you know, this is a reflection of, you know, something that you can be proud of. This is how you can go up to live biculturally. And she was really, really excited about it. She was like this: this woman who wrote this book, she went to Harvard, you should read it. I said I’m reading, so she was, she’s issues, really excited about it. So you know, you are making an impact, and lots of different spaces.
So, let’s talk about your time at Harvard and how culture and identity evolved while you were there.
6:48
I am blown away, and I can’t believe that it is amazing.
07:10
Well, first, I have to acknowledge that the story is incredible. So thank you to that woman for being, you know, an ambassador for the book. That’s exactly why I wrote it in the sense of, even if you don’t have the exact ethnic background that I have, or you know, cultural background, that people who haven’t felt seen and representations of blackness and Latino ness and American identity see themselves. You know, the book explores what it means to go to a place and to learn that you belong. A lot of my struggles at Harvard, in some ways, were centered around belonging and centered around deservingness. There was a part of me, I think, this duality that WEB DuBois often talked about. There was a part of me that felt that I certainly belonged there.
But there was this other part of me that felt that I still had to prove I belonged there. And so it created a lot of pressure for me. Sometimes, academic insecurity, holding back in class, not using my voice, and not raising my hand are things that I think a lot of young people can relate to if they’re first or second-generation going to college. And so what American Negra does is it shows the journey of finding your voice, finding your confidence, you know, shedding imposter syndrome, and accepting your talents and gifts in that space. And one of the reasons I was able to do that was because of the Harvard Black community, which is a very strong community, a very deep-rooted community that has been around since really the beginning of the college. Black people have always been at Harvard. Harvard tragically built its institution in many ways off of the wealth of slave labor. And so even indirectly, you know, our existence is a part of this institution in this really interesting way, a really sad way. And yet, there have been so many brilliant scholars who’ve come through this place. And so what I wanted to show in American NACADA was our belonging. There’s a lot of conversation right now about DEI. And you know, whether, when people say DEI, they’re referring to Black people, even though DEI benefits so many, but it’s this question of do we deserve what we have, and I think the book really shows, both historically and in my personal story, what it means to know that you belong someplace and know that you deserve to be there.
9:35
Absolutely, absolutely. Now, let’s talk about the Dominican Republic for a minute. What did your time in the Dr. Contribute to your thoughts about being an Afro Latina?
9:53
Readers who see American Negra will see that the Dominican Republic was a turning point for me. I remember landing It was in 2005, the summer of 2005. And, or it was the summer of 2005 or 2006, I have to double-check. But when I got there, I was completely blown away by how many brown-skinned people were there. And it’s not brown in the sense of, you know, the way that we talk about Latina that in the US, we think of sort of tan. So, with just little hints of color, I saw black people everywhere. I saw Afro-descendants everywhere. They were speaking Spanish, you know, they were born and raised in the Dominican Republic. And many of them saw me and assumed that I was Dominican. And so, for the first time in my life, I’m experiencing what it is to blend in as a Latina, to sort of fit in not to be seen as another just because I’m black, but for people to assume just from looking at me that I must be one of them. So I talk in the book about what that does to me, you know, on an emotional level, but also intellectually, this sort of curiosity that it sparks for me to say, Okay, wait a second, I’ve been hearing that Black people have been across the diaspora for years, right, that there were boats that stopped in all these places. But what does it mean to really know that history? How are we connected? But also, what ways are we divided. And so I also learned a bit about the country’s relationship to Haiti. And times when, you know, the relationship was actually really devastating and violent. And so I talked about that in the book as well, which, you know, in modern times, is obviously very relevant to a lot of what we’re seeing in the news right now.
11:34
Yes absolutely so now let’s talk about your health receiving a Lupus diagnosis tell us that story.
11:48
Well, I was just turning 30, or I had just turned 30 years old. And when you turn 30, it’s a it’s a new phase of adulthood, but you’re still pretty young, right, there’s still some assumptions that you make about what it means to be a 30 year old. And so when I got this diagnosis, completely unexpected, you know, I was running in the gym one day and unable to move my wrists. All of a sudden, it felt like my legs were heavy weights with sandbags, tied to them. It took me a while to realize I even had to go to the doctor because I learned so early that the doctors only to be gone to when it’s an emergency. Other than that, you push through the pain. That’s the sort of culture that I came from. That was the kind of upbringing that I had and watching my parents and, you know, my family and the examples around me.
So by the time I went to the doctor, I was blindsided when I was told that I had lupus. Lupus is an autoimmune condition in which your immune system attacks healthy cells. So rather than attacking the invaders, it’s attacking healthy cells that can cause joint damage, organ damage, sometimes it manifests in skin rashes and other pains in the body.
But there’s also a mental toll, depression, and anxiety that comes with having an illness like this because your body is under attack, and it is so unpredictable, even with the different ways that you can manage it. And so what American Negra does is it takes you inside the experience of getting a diagnosis like this, but also what it means to get a diagnosis when you’re at the peak of your career, the right things are about to take off.
You know, you have high expectations for yourself, and how do you manage having big dreams with having a big illness? And so you know, it’s not easy; the spoiler is that it took me a while to accept it took me over a year before I really committed to taking my medication to go into the doctor to taking care of myself. And there were consequences to that which I do talk about but ultimately, the journey of acceptance was a really powerful one because then it allowed me to create a new normal for myself that didn’t require me sacrificing my health in order to succeed.
14:10
It’s an it’s, so let’s talk about lupus not just in the black community. It is also in the Latino community. It is yet so. So, raising awareness of this American mega is a vehicle that raises awareness about the prevalence of lupus is also an opportunity to discuss having lupus because also in our communities, we don’t talk about having autoimmune diseases. You know we keep quiet about these things because that’s our culture.
14:24
Yes
14:55
Yes, and I think that it’s a larger field. Share of American culture is that we put our work first, our health comes second, and there’s a lot of shame and stigma around being a person with a chronic illness because it begs the question, well, what can you do? How productive can you be? Can you still work? And so much of our value in this country is defined by what we do for work. So there’s a reeducation, I think that needs to happen. And you’re right that I’m trying to raise awareness about how this disproportionately affects different communities. First and foremost, lupus disproportionately affects women. So that’s just like across the board: women are more likely to get lupus. But then, when you look at race and the way that we categorize race, generally, in the United States, black women are three times more likely to get lupus than our white female counterparts. Hispanic women are also more likely to get lupus. And one of the questions I post in the book, it’s just because of the way that we track race, ethnicity, you know, for the black Latina, I don’t know what the exact numbers are, I’m not sure that anybody’s looking to see how we are affected by lupus, but they should certainly ask the question. And because of that, you know, we, as Black women, are already facing all of these stressors, right? You look at Black maternal mortality rates, you look at our rates of heart disease, you look at our rates of breast cancer. And so it’s yet another burden that we have to carry, which I think highlights the need for us to be open about it and talk about how we’re coping and getting through to lean on each other. And not feel shame because this is not something we asked for. There’s nothing that we did to deserve lupus, but we do deserve to live rich, meaningful, healthy lives, even despite having this illness. And so I hope to break the stigma by being so public about it at this young age.
16:10
Right. And so let’s talk about caring for yourself. How are you caring for yourself as you continue with your career? What adjustments are you making? Because it’s not that your life has stopped, right? But you make adjustments, and you carry on?
Yeah, certainly has it. Yeah. As the mother of a toddler, you know, between this book, being on CNN, and working at the Grio, it definitely has gone on. Life is going on. You know, I think the big difference between me now and before is that I know how to say no, I didn’t know how to say no before, anytime I was invited to do something. Anytime I had a chance to take on more projects, I did more work. I was doing it because that was how I was cultivated and acculturated, you know, to think that you have to grind and take every opportunity and make the most of it. Now, it’s all about quality over quantity, you know, the quality of my experiences, the quality of my relationships, the quality of the work I’m doing. That’s what matters more than squeezing everything I can into a day. And so even with this book tour for American Negra, we did, you know, the northeast, we went to all these cities DC, Boston, New York, Montclair, New Jersey, Syracuse, my hometown, Rochester, but I built in a pause, because I said, you know, the temptation will be to run myself down to the ground promoting this book. But I have to be a living example of what it means to care for yourself. And the truth is, I’m going to need a break. And so we will pick up the rest of the tour. We’ll go to the south. I’m going to Chicago next month. But I needed to live out those values even as I was doing something like promoting a book where I talked about having lupus.
18:55
[Fo] young women who are growing up in areas where not many people who look like them have their cultures and identities questioned. What should they do?
20:10
Well, I think the first step is realizing you’re not alone. Wherever you are in the world, you are not alone. There’s somebody who shares your experience. And so, even in this digital world where we have all these connections, it is very easy to feel isolated. And so I encourage you to find a community where you can find others who share your experience. That’s the first thing. But I think the second thing is that finding who you are is layered. There’s who you are at work, the jobs you enjoy, and the career you want. There’s also who you are in terms of your family story. One of the things I did in writing American Negrae was go and get genealogy assessments done. So I learned about my ancestry things that I had gone years, never knowing about my family. We were connected to a plantation in Darlington, South Carolina, and my ancestor was enslaved there. My ancestors in Puerto Rico worked in sugarcane fields, and you know, essentially me, these big, rich business owners even richer, but those were the histories that I had been denied. Because, you know, how often are you born and you only know your immediate family’s history. And so it was something about learning where it came from that was so powerful, and it made me feel so much more empowered. Again, it was much more like I belonged as an American; I deserved to be here and proud of what my family has contributed. So I encourage people to get to know themselves and maybe do some of that deeper work to discover your family story and your story. I think that it helps you to see yourself in context in a different way.
22:07
But it, it’s been a joy to talk with you. Thank you so much for having me. I want to encourage all your listeners to follow me I’m right on Instagram, it’s Natasha S. Alford, American negative also has its own Instagram account where we’re posting pictures from book tour events, people’s different reviews. It’s just its really community building is what we’re doing with this book. And you can learn more if you go to AmericanNegra.com is just N E G RA. But we are online and we’re doing this tour we’re traveling around the country went to Puerto Rico for an event. So if you don’t come to see me in person in person, you can always go online, and of course, you can get the book on Amazon, where it is a top book in African American history right now, even four weeks after it’s released. So go ahead and check it out and leave us a review, too. You too.
