To All The Cassies Known and Unknown

Now that we have faced the reality of the video, whether we have watched it or not,  read Cassie’s statement, and heard countless witness recollections, there is no denying Cassie’s lived experience. And there are so many Cassies we know and don’t know all around us; 40% of Black women will experience domestic violence in their lives, according to a study by The Institute of Policy Research. Some of them will lose their lives to intimate partner violence.

Yes it Happened

Cassie, like many victims of domestic abuse, had her experiences questioned. Denial can sometimes invalidate a woman’s lived experience because, according to Martha E. Banks, Ph.D, a Research Neuropsychologist, ‘Women are sometimes victims of romantic terrorism coercive romanticism,” she says. “To victims, as well as people in the victims’ networks, the abuser appears to be especially loving. The abuse is private, but the public appearance is overwhelmingly — and exaggeratedly — loving.”

While the tape may have triggered some who were victims of domestic violence. Others were emboldened to speak about their experiences. Dr. Banks says, “The release of this and similar videos can provide validation to victims who are repeatedly told by abusers that there is no abuse. It is sometimes easier to perceive and be outraged by the abuse of someone else than to recognize that victims themselves do not deserve abuse.”

Power Dynamics Lead to Isolation

One of the drawbacks of social media is that everyone has become an expert on everything. And we have opinions on things we know nothing about, even complicated issues like domestic violence. However, it is critical to understand that there are more factors to consider before we tell a woman to “just leave.”

“There are multiple power dynamics involved. Emotional abuse, which is present as a component of all abuse, includes isolation.  Such isolation can prevent victims from financially supporting themselves, so victims remain in relationships because they cannot access paths to independence.” Dr. Banks explains. “Emotional abuse includes repeatedly telling victims that they deserve the abuse because they are “bad” people.”

The Cycle of Domestic Violence

Dr. Banks points out that we primarily know bout explosions.  “Early in the relationship, explosions are generally followed by denial — either that nothing really happened or that it wasn’t really all that bad.  Then there is a honeymoon phase — flowers, candy, romantic dinners,” she explains. “Then, the tension builds, and there’s another explosion.  After a while, the honeymoon disappears, and the cycle is just explosion, denial, and tension. Then, the denial disappears, and all that’s left are periods of tension and violent explosions.  If the downward spiral is not stopped, it ends when somebody dies.”

As we read the news about more Black and Brown women losing their lives as a result of intimate partner violence, Dr. Banks points out that there is a critical lack of information available, and the information available predates the COVID-19 pandemic. “It is important to note that increased access to gun ownership in the United States has led to increased intimate partner homicide,” Dr. Banks concludes.